Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
All I want is dick and wine.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
