I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
