You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Dear god my vagina.
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