How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Randomize
