who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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