i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
So apparently I’m into choking now
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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