Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
