meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
