I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
