So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Randomize
