I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize