do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Randomize
