that's an acceptable place to lick
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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