rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
