my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize