i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
