We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
