i don't plan on having that self control this summer
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
