dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
