how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Come on in and take your pants off
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