See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
