They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
