i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
