Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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