she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
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