i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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