My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
She bit a glass in half.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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