went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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