Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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