So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
