ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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