she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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