3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
