I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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