Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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