he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
