And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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