I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
