Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
