We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize