Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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