you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
