I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
This is my gift to your gina
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
