I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
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