i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
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I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
