I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Randomize
