dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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