he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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