We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I skipped work to stalk him.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Randomize
