Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
a search helicopter?!
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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