girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Drunk is a universal language darling
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
