I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
