I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I'm too high and old for this...
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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