I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
