# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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