Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
