GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
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