He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize