Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
