She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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