It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I smell stomach acid.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I came so hard my ears popped.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
