the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize