watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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