He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
