Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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