any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
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