This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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