My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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