I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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