Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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