You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
This baby is an asshole
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Randomize
