i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
