He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
