Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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