That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
