As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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