Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
