is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
