Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
