it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize