Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
