You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
