Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
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