Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
