BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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