I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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