he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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