Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
