maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
