Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I think I sprained my soul last night
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
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