I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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