Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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