just tell him i said nine months
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize