Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
