True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
