how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
