Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
